When brainstorming my Program II major earlier this year, I found myself a little lost and nervous that my desire to study mathematical modeling in defense had no sound place in reality. Thus, while I had heard the DoD was in search of more mathematicians, scientists, and statisticians, I was nervous I would leave Duke unaware of where to turn to for employment. By deciding to become a Program II major, my academic track is not a set of requirements to be filled but more of a responsibility under my direction. I was enraptured with the freedom to explore the academic directions in life that I choose, but this freedom comes with a lot of weight and insecurity all stressing the importance of making the perfect career move with every single decision. During this past year, I found it hard at times to remain resilient and strong in knowing that my unique path of study, while different from everyone else at Duke, was indeed the right decision for me. Thus, before heading to Washington this summer, I made a resolution to assure myself that statistics in defense was indeed the place I wanted to be, and that committing myself to the rigors and restrictions of a life in defense were worth their trouble. And boy was I in store to learn a lot!
Working for CSIS as a part of the Defense Industrial Initiatives Group has been more of a unique blessing than a job to say at the least. During my time here, I have not only gained a sense of where my studies belong in the national security world, but have been introduced to the defense community and its beliefs that I one day hope to dedicate my life too. This summer, going to work everyday was an adventure. I learned something new every single day, constantly surprised by the insight I obtained. I have adored working with people who are the same brand of nerd I am now confident to call myself- the ones who love to geek out about artificial intelligence and international relations, dream of living fast-paced lives, and who are uncompromisingly dedicated to defending their country with honor and humility. While here at CSIS, I have learned the answers to question I didn’t know I had, investigated corners of an intellectual world I only sensed existed, and came to comprehend concepts I previously thought incomprehensible. From the perspective I have been given through CSIS, the politicians and defense leaders I have looked up to my whole life have gone from being god-like headliners to real human beings trying to make a difference in this world. They too are human beings trying to make a difference in this world- they make mistakes and teach us that we shouldn’t be afraid to try and fail in order to reach success. I came into CSIS and Duke in general quite nervous to make any error, hoping that perfection was a concept within my grasp. Petrified by fear, I accidently walked into one of the glass walls on my team’s floor, spilling tea all over the floor. Needless to say I was embarrassed at the implied lack of professionalism. But in a full-circle sort of way, I learned today (one of my last days here) that even the Nigerian ambassador has walked into these notoriously transparent glass walls! It seemed the perfect way to say that everyone makes mistakes sometimes no matter how important they might be, but that the lessons we learn from failure are the miracle fuel that guides one to success. Fear of failure only impedes the learning process, and just because you fail at something doesn’t mean you yourself are a failure. It simply shows that your solution to the problem at hand didn’t work, but that you are free to try again and again (within reason). By hearing from my mentors, co-workers, bosses, and fellow interns I have seen how their successes and failures have brought them to work for incredible agencies, firms, and think tanks like CSIS in a fantastically dizzying whirlwind of adventures. So no matter your failures, your successes, or how many glass walls you walk into, each human is valid, powerful, and worthy of defending- and THAT is the true meaning behind defense.
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Mac Gagne
Statistics, Mathematics, Decision Science, Game Theory, Psychology, Political Science, War Gaming. ArchivesCategories |
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